The Meaning Behind the Hair

I got a haircut!

I’ve needed one for months.  My mom gave me my last haircut back in August.  The only reason for not maintaining it was a lack of motivation or care.  This is what it boils down to….I just didn’t care and I had no motivation.  Very sad.

A few weeks ago my husband mentioned that he thought it was funny how I would stay in my comfy clothes all day.  I think he really did think it was funny.  For me, it was a wake up call.  When did I stop wanting to be my best self? When the opportunity to get this haircut presented itself I couldn’t pass it up.  A local salon offered a ‘No Pay, No Say’ opportunity – If selected, the haircut is free as long as you let them do whatever they want.  They wanted to do something short and funky.  I signed up.  A few days went by and then they contacted me. It wasn’t until I was seated in the salon did I realize the significance of the moment.  A new beginning.  A fresh start.  I suddenly realized that I *had* been ignoring myself.  My husband was right.  I had gotten comfortable.

For those of you that don’t know, my husband is a minister.  I have journeyed with him through discernment, seminary, and several new parishes.     Each step along the way believing that I had to fit a certain mold.  Fulfill others expectations of what a Ministers Wife should be. Toning down my sarcasm {which isn’t as easy as it sounds} and keeping my tattoos covered {yup.}.  Keeping my hair a certain way.  Safe.  It’s easy to say. “I will not sacrifice who I am for the church” and it’s not easy to actually follow through.  I have lost sight of myself in the last few years.  The twists and turns of life that define our character had finally worn me down.

I think we all have expectations we are trying to meet.  It’s how we handle them that defines who we are.  I don’t want to be defined by hiding my true self.  Cutting off my hair has given me a renewed sense of self.  I have shed all that was weighing me down and keeping me from being myself.  My true self.  I am sarcastic, artistic, kind, stubborn, loving, protective, creative, loud, loyal, funny, a mom, a niece, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, and a wife. I LOVE to read and watch TV and I never pass up a cold Dr. Pepper or a box of Cheez-its.  I enjoy a good party, especially if there is wine. I like painting my nails and dancing.  I can bake, crochet, and tat. The list goes on…I have no secrets.

I will still face expectations but now with my new, funky haircut I have a renewed sense of self.  I’m ready for anything life wants to throw at me. Now the questions is, can you set aside your expectations to see the person I am rather than the person you want me to be?