I got a haircut!
I’ve needed one for months. My mom gave me my last haircut back in August. The only reason for not maintaining it was a lack of motivation or care. This is what it boils down to….I just didn’t care and I had no motivation. Very sad.
A few weeks ago my husband mentioned that he thought it was funny how I would stay in my comfy clothes all day. I think he really did think it was funny. For me, it was a wake up call. When did I stop wanting to be my best self? When the opportunity to get this haircut presented itself I couldn’t pass it up. A local salon offered a ‘No Pay, No Say’ opportunity – If selected, the haircut is free as long as you let them do whatever they want. They wanted to do something short and funky. I signed up. A few days went by and then they contacted me. It wasn’t until I was seated in the salon did I realize the significance of the moment. A new beginning. A fresh start. I suddenly realized that I *had* been ignoring myself. My husband was right. I had gotten comfortable.
For those of you that don’t know, my husband is a minister. I have journeyed with him through discernment, seminary, and several new parishes. Each step along the way believing that I had to fit a certain mold. Fulfill others expectations of what a Ministers Wife should be. Toning down my sarcasm {which isn’t as easy as it sounds} and keeping my tattoos covered {yup.}. Keeping my hair a certain way. Safe. It’s easy to say. “I will not sacrifice who I am for the church” and it’s not easy to actually follow through. I have lost sight of myself in the last few years. The twists and turns of life that define our character had finally worn me down.
I think we all have expectations we are trying to meet. It’s how we handle them that defines who we are. I don’t want to be defined by hiding my true self. Cutting off my hair has given me a renewed sense of self. I have shed all that was weighing me down and keeping me from being myself. My true self. I am sarcastic, artistic, kind, stubborn, loving, protective, creative, loud, loyal, funny, a mom, a niece, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, and a wife. I LOVE to read and watch TV and I never pass up a cold Dr. Pepper or a box of Cheez-its. I enjoy a good party, especially if there is wine. I like painting my nails and dancing. I can bake, crochet, and tat. The list goes on…I have no secrets.
I will still face expectations but now with my new, funky haircut I have a renewed sense of self. I’m ready for anything life wants to throw at me. Now the questions is, can you set aside your expectations to see the person I am rather than the person you want me to be?
Drew Downs
rosedowns
Downs Family 